Day 18... the choices we make

Sometimes it's hard to make decisions when there is so much demand on our time or several things we want to do that conflict.  I hate the excuse 'I'm too busy'... you can be as busy as you CHOOSE to be - we all get the same 24 hours in a day and it's our choice on what we do with them.  Yes, I understand that family and work are priorities but it's all about planning. And deciding.  What makes you happiest.   If you really want to do something you *will* make it happen.  If you really want to spend time with a person you *will* make it happen.  It's a basic fact of life.

I'm struggling with my past and present right now.  I LOVE outrigger - at least I did while in Vancouver - it was a huge part in defining who I am (was?) - and I saved millions of dollars in therapy bills just by sitting on my canoe in english bay.  I spent endless days playing in the waves, bits of salt stuck to my face at the end of it all, hours following the paddlewheeler - all those inside so oblivious to my sitting on that one wave... riding back home.  I sweated alongside some amazing people in races in those waters, had a ton of fun and success - formed relationships so strong in those moments.  It was my summer, my life... for so long my life.

I'm half way around the world now and I still have an ocean.  An ocean that I love but haven't quite yet fallen *in* love with.  It feels like home here and yet I'm torn.  I do crave the water, just not like I did.  And when I do it's not for the same reasons.  My new challenge is my surfski - solo time.  Just me.  No common goals to work towards.  I fall in and laugh and enjoy each moment without the focused precision that I once had but I think that this is okay.  I *know* that this is okay but I'm still reconciling it in my mind.

My priorities now have shifted.  I have fallen in love with a new sport - a new challenge - Crossfit.  The people, the community, the struggle.  I love it.  And yes, it feels a little like I'm cheating on paddling, but maybe that's not it.  I broke up with English Bay as I left Vancouver, no looking back.  And I think that for now I need to choose differently.  Follow the happiness, the fun.  And in this moment Crossfit is the fun.

So when I have conflicts between outrigger and Crossfit (every Saturday morning in fact) I will choose what I enjoy, what I want to do, *my* priority... I will choose with my heart instead of obligation and I will savour every minute... fully committed to my choice. MY choice.