December
Six months ago I started writing to you - these monthly notes... inspired by a late June drive across the prairies, darkness surrounding me - became a way to reach out to you one last time. Last time.
It was on a different drive home tonight, summer once again warm upon my skin in the dark evening air that I realised it's time to stop - this one last time. Last time.
The same song was playing in both moments- the one I sent to you that first month... nevermind, I'll find someone like you - and I will, and I have - better even as he knows me now - the amazing women I've grown into - not hiding anymore, no longer running. I think you'd like me now. I've come a long way since you last truly knew who I was and I think that's what made me realise it's time to let go. I'm such a different person - perhaps I'm finally the person that you saw all along but now - now I see it too. Perhaps I'm the only one who does but that's the beauty of it all - it's all that matters. Me. I don't need your reflection anymore - haven't actually for a long time it's just taken me a while to let go. I'm happy with who I have become, who I am. I'm happy.
I wish nothing but the best for you... I truly hope you have found your happiness, have maybe even settled down and if you haven't yet please don't be jaded - don't let that overcome you - the you that I knew - the one I wasn't ready for... no regrets remember. I think the last time I saw you I started to see it, the bitterness - overlooked it because of our history but you seemed disillusioned - I hope that's not the case - hope it was merely a moment in time - that you've moved on to bigger and better, found everything you could dream of. Everything. More.
And so this is goodbye - I have to let you go. While I wish we could find a way back to friendship, in my heart I know our story ended long ago, never fully had a change to start - timing all wrong, growing up still to do. It just took me this long to let go. Hate letting go. Still struggle with the thought of it all while the tears fill my eyes one last time. You'll always be in my heart - for the amazing times we did have, the ones I remember most. For the struggles - the things I wish I could go back and change, known better. For the moments that passed us by too soon. I remember it all, will always remember it all. Don't forget me I beg.
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You're gone and I miss you - who know Bryan Adams could be so profound - or perhaps that was merely you foreshadowing how it would all end...
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