I apologize in advance for how unfluid and unstructured the following words are going to be but I’m writing without alcohol and that’s just how it goes (and yes I really need a monstrously large glass of red right now!)
So here goes…
I don’t get where we as men and women became unable to say the word ‘no’ or even better yet became unable to hear the word ‘no’. Maybe it’s ingrained in us from birth where as children ‘no’ only meant you wanted something more, to break the rules because that ‘no’ prevented you from something you really wanted, something exciting and adventurous and perhaps even at times dangerous but now, as adults? No isn’t a bad word, it doesn’t mean you can’t move on or a relationship is crumbling it is merely a difference in wants at that moment in time.
Don’t get me wrong, some ‘no’s truly do matter but I’m talking about the everyday requests here - if a girl you’re dating or involved with asks you to go and see The Vow with her (and any girl worth dating probably shouldn’t) there are two ways to respond - say yes, suck it up and make her happy for two hours or to say no. And girls, if he says no, accept it. Plain and simple. Make plans with your girlfriends, wait til it comes out on dvd, whatever but you have no right to be upset with your guy for not wanting to do something that you want to do - granted if this became an everyday occurrence then I’d say it’s time you found another guy.
My point is that somewhere along the way it seems that we’ve lost our ability to stand up to each other in a non-confrontational way. I think that through our adult years we’ve been conditioned to know that saying yes is the path of least resistance, go along with the norm to keep everyone happy, placated. But we’ve also lost pure passion along the way too, our ability to go our own way, on our own, do our own thing, a stretch of selfishness. Even just for a moment of time. Two people together are not always going to walk the same road but that’s okay, the roads will reconverge but those moment of solitude? HEALTHY!
The reason agreeing is easier? It’s because we’re asking loaded questions - questions we already have an invested interest in. The positive response. Expectations - the outcome so clearly defined in our minds though without that first response it all falls apart… Stop having expectations of anyone but yourself… it doesn’t work. If you ask a question expecting a positive reply and you get a ‘no’ of course you’re going to be upset, you’re going to pout and your guy will (possibly) feel a little guilty but really? He shouldn’t. And you shouldn’t. Be strong enough to be on your own. Be in a relationship because you want to share adventures and laughter and love WITHOUT expectations. Learn to hear the word ‘no’, it’s not the end of the world.
This - “I enjoy making someone I care about feel special.” - this is the most important part about a relationship. It doesn’t mean seeing a movie you don’t want to or being afraid to ask for what you want - but at the end of the day it is about wanting the best for that person. It’s not about the big things, the romantic holidays. It’s about the everyday, the smiles that only you understand, the knowing looks. It’s about a random surprise just because you felt like it… it’s about remembering the little things like her favorite flowers (not roses, never roses) or his favorite wine. Those things matter so much more than hearing a simple ‘no’.
But then again, you don’t have to listen to me - my last relationship… well my last relationship was perfect to everyone else… he was deemed “the perfect” guy in every single way and I was “the bitch” for ending things - and why? Because he couldn’t tell me ‘no’ and he couldn’t stand on his own. I want an equal, not someone who turns his whole world into mine. But that’s just me… and no one is bringing me my favorite flowers…
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