Too many other things to focus on than you and yet I can't get you out of my head... it's this missing - the missing you while you're right down the road, missing you more while you're here than the weeks when you're miles away.
I hate it. It's funny that the upcoming distance doesn't phase me but when you're this close and I don't see you - I wonder what's it's all about. You don't owe me anything, I get it, your words have made that quite clear. I get that we aren't a we at all - friends? perhaps but I don't kiss my friends like I do you - and you don't respond to me. Friends aren't that disrespectful. Some might say you were just a boy after a little more, unconditionally, but you've drawn that line far in front of where it would be if that were the case.
I know you care about me. You try to hide it, repress your feelings - but whenever you kiss me you tell me with your tongue. The extra bit of yearning. Of need. Your truth is exposed - silent words erupting through your lips followed promptly by a retreat. Every single time. It's almost amusing except you're wasting our precious time. I understand your fears, I'm like you remember. You push anyone who gets to close away because people always leave. You give yourself away with your leading questions - your thoughts. Asking where I'll be after Perth (no plans) and saying I'll be gone off to build a mine before Christmas (I'm not). If I give up it only proves your point and that's the predicament I'm in.
You make it hard for anyone to care about you but I think it's what you want more than anything, that connection to the real world, humanising, honest. Someone who won't give up. But you spend so much time convincing yourself otherwise, masked, hiding. Be selfish, know that you deserve and can have it all - regardless of circumstances, distance, of past hurts. It's really not that complicated, trust me. Want me. I can't push anymore.
Know that I care about you - unconditionally. I always will. I know you never asked me to - would never ask for anything for yourself and I think that's why I'm still here trying to fight through your shiny armour. I'm trying to wait you out, have the patience but there isn't that much time - another month perhaps. I need something before then - need to know that there is a place for me in your life, not just in convenience but out of want, need. *That* is what I need from you - only that. I need you to want me back. That is all - simple. You can give *that* to me if you want to. Your turn. I know you're busy but you don't have to stand all alone - let me in, just a little. I don't need much of your time but I can't, won't put up with the silence. Not anymore.
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