Thankful(?) Things Thursday

So thursday's are supposed to be for thankful things so lets see what we can do about it after this revelation...

-I lost my job today, with the market such as it is I became redundant and so... there was that.  It is basically why I'm allowed to live in Australia right now so I'm a little stressed to find another one at the moment but let's focus on the good instead...

-There are a ton of jobs in Perth for someone 1) in my line of work (mining) 2) with my experience (almost 15 years) and 3) with my background (it's pretty solid)
-Turns out it's not so hard to transfer a 457 visa so that's hopeful - all those jobs that say must be allowed to legally work in Australia (I can check yes)
-Applied for a million jobs already today (from my current job) - it was only probably about 10 but still... it gives me a solid feeling
-From all those jobs I applied to I have already heard back from one recruitment agency and have a meeting with the guy on Monday (and who said specifically that he would like to work directly with me to find my next position)
-If I'm really honest with myself it's a good thing given that while I love it here in Perth I wasn't loving my job so much and wasn't doing anything to change it because of a) the visa and b) because it's easier not too so I'm seeing this as a positive (once the stress of finding a new job is over and done)
-Turns out I have a few more (not many but still) industry contacts here than I thought
-I still get paid for the next 4 weeks
-And I have sufficient savings to not have to worry about money for a good while
-I haven't yet booked that flight back to North America for July
-I'm leaving early today to do a WOD with a good friend... he's awesome and wants to cheer me up - thanks Tim

So that's the positive side of things and we'll leave it at that... I did shed a few tears earlier once the shock wore off and the task of searching and stressing hit me but those are done and it honestly feels a lot better to write this out and move on from it... things always work out right?

Thankful Things Thursday...

Things I’m thankful for today (Thankful Things Thursday is something I got from Ali on the Run’s blog)…

-The guys at my regular coffee shop (across from my office) not only know my name but also start to make my drink as they see me coming (flat white thank you very much).  Today it was made for me as I finished paying.  Super sweet!

-My crossfit coaches… they continually are helping me to get better everyday.  Last night I got to do toes to bar (T2B) again and it rocked thanks to the technique tips and feedback I got from Coach Tim during 12.3.  They actually felt easy and I could have probably strung together more than 4 in a row if my hands didn’t hurt so much.

-The body that I have - it’s healthy and now in better shape than ever (probably since my teens) because I have found crossfit and have (easily) adopted better eating habits (without portion control or calorie counting).  The weight is still dropping off without effort and I barely recognize my reflection as I walk down the road - I still think I’m bigger than I am.  I love my body the way it is and what it can do for me - my strength is amazing

-Knowing what I’m worth - it’s a struggle for me since I always see the best in people, can read through their shit but never have had the courage to call them on it.  That’s about to change because I’m worth it - if what I have to say forever pushes someone away then they’re not meant to be in my life.  I am strong enough to stand up for myself but also to walk away and still know that it’s not me who is the problem

-Living in Australia - it’s so far from everything I’ve ever known but the past 8.5 months have been outstanding.  I’ll be going ‘home’ for a visit in July (summer) and I swear I’ll be wearing jeans and a hoody thing it’s cold after all the 30+ weather we’ve had the past few months (I LOVE the heat)

What are you thankful for today?

Day 66... fear of success?

A ex-colleague once told me about how people are often more afraid of succeeding than failing though we don't often realize it.  We tend not to see it because we often look at the worst outcome figuring that is what will have the greatest impact on our lives, changing our lives.  But what about the opposite?  What happens when we succeed?  Things still change - they move forward - they are put in motion and we have to keep going.  Keep moving.  Failing is easier - it's stops the momentum, a road block, time to reassess. But success? That takes effort.

I submitted the article about Tim today to Crossfit HQ.  I like it, I do - for what it is.  I feel the passion behind my words, believe them but I still wonder -is it enough.  There were several weeks between draft 2 and draft 3.  I honestly didn't touch it, barely thought about it other than this looming deadline.  And you'll notice there isn't much of a change either.  Just an additional paragraph of Tim's thoughts on what the games mean to him but he sent me that weeks ago.  I've had those words sitting with me and still I was paralyzed.  I realized tonight that in my eyes that article will never be enough no matter how many hours I stare at it, no matter how many times I re-read it and adjust a word here or there.  Never enough.  So today - I sent it.  A few minor tweaks and it was out of my hands.  And it felt good.  Really good.  Action. 

And whether they choose me or not it's okay.  It's okay because I wrote about a friend, I put words onto paper to form a great piece about another person's journey - a goal I highlighted on this blog a while ago - I wrote another person's story (even if it was through my eyes and not his specifically - still something I struggle with).  Through this exercise I wrote - and I shared my writing in this space - with Tim specifically and he will always have that - that reminder of where he was at this moment in time - one day in his quest to compete at the games he might struggle and he can go back and see himself as he is today - the passion and excitement at this point in his journey and no one can take that away from him.  From him or me.  It exists.  And I think at the least, that is enough, I like that it is.

But maybe my words resonate further, maybe his story is only the first of many that I will get to tell over the coming 8 months, maybe.  And that's even scarier for me to grasp.  I fear it - and because I fear it I know just how much I want it.  How hard I'll work for it if they pick me.  How much passion is behind me on this quest - after all, it's the things we fear the most that matter to us the most.  And this time, I'm fearing that success.

Day 50... second draft

Needs some more work but a vast improvement over the emotionless drabble of draft one - I'm starting to like this version...  it's getting somewhere.

*******

"...when the heavy, rapid breathing begins to diminish, and you find yourself able to string a few words together that somewhat resemble a sentence, you'll most likely hear yourself saying "that (gasp) was (gasp) awesome, totally fucked, but awesome." ~Tim Marshall 

Totally fucked but awesome.  A lifestyle, a community.  A place to get stronger, build confidence, be better.  The best you can be.  This is Crossfit.  This is my world.  That quote – the one that resonates in my head every workout, every day is from my coach, my friend, my inspiration – Tim Marshall. 

I was lucky to share breakfast by the ocean only a few weeks after arriving in Australia with Tim and a few others and we started talking about dreams of the future.  Bold and scary declarations of what we aspire to be.  Terrifying admissions but I could see the sparkle in Tim’s eye that morning – knew right then in my heart that he would achieve his goal – he would compete at the Crossfit Games – and I won’t underestimate him either – he might someday even win.  I believe in him – believe he truly has the desire, the drive, the confidence to get there, to give it his all.  To be one of the elite.  To be amongst his idols, competing against them.  He quotes times and placings of the likes of Blair Morrison and Ben Smith.  He lives and breathes the games literally from half a world away, watches it all happen in a place he has never even visited.  California dreaming.  He represents all that Crossfit is at just 19 years old.  This kid is going places.

In November 2010 Tim started his Crossfit journey, in January became a coach, a mentor to others.  To me.  He competed in the open in 2011, placed second in the intermediate division of the Primal Throwdown – all of this within six months of beginning this lifestyle.  He is driven, motivated, the definition of passion.

He once had dreams of becoming a professional ice hockey player, and it all changed one fateful day when a friend invited him over to ‘strength train’ on his rings, introduced him to the mainsite and a few WODs later and he was hooked.  His journey started then and there.  He eagerly writes his own WODs on the train to university and Karen, Elizabeth and Murph – back to back to back – merely training for the Primal Pairs with his twin brother.

He embodies everything Crossfit.  There is a sparkle, a little magic in his eyes that I see every time he works out – gets better.  And when he struggles, that’s when the best of him shines through – the determination, the courage, the commitment to get better.  The passion.

His biggest fear is of not measuring up – of not being good enough, the self-doubt drives him to get better every day.  I know however, knew from the moment that he said his dream out loud that beautiful morning over breakfast – that he will get there.  He will be there amongst his idols competing at the Crossfit games.  Look out world, Tim Marshall is coming.

Day 49... the interview, now what?

I interviewed Tim this morning for the article I'm writing for submission to the Crossfit Games.  He was kind enough to sit with me after the 6:45am workout that he coached and let me ask him questions - some quite personal - admitting things out loud that he didn't necessarily want too and I really appreciate that. 

Now what?

I'm stuck... the words are still floating - not coming together - I'm afraid to not do him justice.  I'm writing about him - his story and it has to be GREAT.  And I get it... I know how to overcome this - I just need to get the words out - anything - fill the page up, with garbage even and then go from there.  Rearrange, reorder, rewrite.  It is only then that the beauty will form, this isn't a story that just spews out - fingers on keyboard - free form.  This is a chronicling, of someone else's journey, someone else's dream, someone else.

I will find the angle, there are so many there, 500 words, barely skimming the surface and I'm determined to make it a glittery, stunning surface that everyone wants to jump into.

Day 10...

Crossfit... it's something that is changing me in so many ways.  My body is transforming, getting stronger, skinnier, healthier.  More capable.  My mind is also following trend - strengthening - making me realize that sometimes the limitations really are only mental, not physical.  And the community - it's enveloping me - introducing me to wonderful people - everyone with such different stories, backgrounds and yet we are all motivated by the same thing - to be better, stronger, fully capable.  It's an awesome dynamic and why I crave going to the box all the time - why I'm there 3 times a week.  Why I suffer through the sweat and the pain to shed myself of my doubts, my fears.  Push my limits.  Change them.

As Tim, our fine coach put it:

"...when the heavy, rapid breathing begins to diminish, and you find yourself able to string a few words together that somewhat resemble a sentence, you'll most likely hear yourself saying "that (gasp) was (gasp) awesome". "Totally fucked.. but awesome."

Crossfit... awesome in every way.