The past 3.5 hours have been spent on a patio, shapeless conversation, smiles and laughter and red wine. I'm left now thinking of you - of the numbered days. Of a want, a need to call you, to see you. Just be in the same space. But I can't, I know that. I know that it only pushes you away, that things need to be on your time, your control. And so I'll wait. Silent. And I'll hope that you will reach out, want to spend time with me too before you leave again. Before the space of months loom before us. You've promised me once. Dinner. But I still hope for more than that. I'll never tell you though.
*******
I adore you as we balance this line between friends and more and back to friends because caring is hard and scary. I don't mind it though. And yes, sometimes the distance is hard, well, not the distance itself but the distance that seems to exist when we're in the same city. I get it. Had fair warning. I know where I stand, it's all on me. But I can't give you up, don't want to. And even as we stay friends, just friends, I have no urge to date anyone else, can't bring myself to look because none are like you and I like you, a lot, just the way you are, no matter the distance. Now if only you could see that.
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