Day 3...

Relationships are a funny thing... we all have them and they take on many different forms but we can't control them.  We just have to trust in them and see where that takes us.  I've learned through moving half way around the world to not take them for granted.

I woke up to a beautiful email from a dear friend today - she is going through some tough times but amazingly is still seeing the beauty in the world - understanding that the universe has a plan for her if she just listens.  And all her words were written to me - to tell me this: "I love you for the amazing person you are and the ever more amazing person you are actively striving to become!"  It brought tears to my eyes.  It was beautiful.  And while I cherish her love (and feel it through the distance every day) it was that she chose to tell me... that is what warmed my heart.  It was a completely selfless act that made my day that much better.

And yesterday taught me a lesson - I write better to specific people rather than to the "general public" and so Tanja, today this one is for you:

Darling T,

You truly brightened my day, brought both a smile and tears to my eyes.  I cherish your words dearly and even more than that I love that you told me - I find so many times we hold back on what we feel - somehow expect the other person to know.  I think the world would be such a better place if we just replaced our fears with uncensored expression - shared our love and compassion - we'd all be happier.

It's a funny thing moving half way around the world as you know.  And the thing that surprises me the most is seeing relationships grow, start, end and stay exactly as they were even through the distance....

There are people that I miss dearly but know that things will never be as they were, lives diverging in different ways.  And while those people will always be a part of my life they won't be that central link anymore the side kick that they once were and that's ok.  It's ok because for a period of time they were exactly what I needed - a shoulder to cry on, endless and unconditional support, great friends for laughing and singing and playing. 

There are people that I never expected to stay in touch with that I have.  They are there through the distance and timezones even though I probably took them for granted a little too much when we were in the same city.  These people continue to teach me about myself, make me realize that there really is only today and we have to make the most of it. They make me smile and connected to the place I still call home.  And I'm aware of them now, I'm giving back more and enjoying the foundations that these connections are gaining through the safety of distance.

There are people that I have only just met.  Starting again all over again.  And while it doesn't get easier it does start to change - values, characteristics.  I find myself gravitating towards inspirational people, those that are doers, those who are much like me on the inside.  And I've learned that sometimes it's ok to just not get on with someone - that it isn't a reflection of ourselves but more just a differing moment in time.  There is a boy here who I adore and I can see his beauty but he isn't ready to yet - he's still scared - the person I was so many years ago.  Maybe that's where the connection lies - why I can see his soul.  And I realized today that although he isn't ready for me, I'm still able to give him my love and support, compassion and strength - whatever he needs, whatever he's able to accept and it no longer takes away from who I am like it once did. I'm strong on my own, defined as my own, am surrounded by love and everything I have to offer him just strengthens who I am.

There are people that continue to remain who they always were in my life - pillars of strength and comfort.  The ones that no matter the time or the need or days that have passed will always be there for me.  Will continue to be a part of my life forever.  You my dear are one of these amazing people.  You inspire me along with your handsome husband and you support me in my adventures and growth, through my struggles and tears.  No matter where we both end up I know I'll be able to find you somewhere.  And I value that dearly, I hope you realize this.  I love you and your beauty and will be here for you always.

And so I thank you for your words - for being brave in this world and sharing them with me so selflessly.  These words are for you!

I miss you!!!
J.