Day 42...

Today is a reflection on me - who I am... perhaps just a brief start of some likes and dislikes...

I love (in no relevant order AT ALL):
-travelling and the first breath of fresh air when you step off the plane - it's always different and to me marks the start of a new adventure
-late night conversations - there's something about sharing our deepest thoughts in the darkness, about defying sleep to tell our stories
-roadtrips - driving fast down the hwy, windows down, music loud, no set destination
-challenges and being challenged
-passion - about something, anything... coasting through life is boring and such a waste
-writing - obviously (day 42!!)
-inspiring people and being inspired by inspiring people - closely related to being passionate about something
-a good hug - be careful, I steal these a lot... ask my paddling peeps back home...
-crossfit - a new challenge and so fulfilling and challenging and competitive (internally), it's making me a better, stronger person
-yoga - need to get back to this - it keeps me balanced emotionally and physically
-simplicity - there is no need to cause drama
-people who follow their hearts rather them logic or what society tells us we should do
-dusk - the world slows down in this transition from day to night
-laughter, silliness, getting in touch with our inner child, playing with children - it's eye opening
-warm rain and running in warm rain, it's soothing and calms my soul like being out in my canoe... cheap therapy
-music - a necessity - my life needs a soundtrack but it'd be all over the place
-happiness - it took me a long time to get to this point in my life - but I'm happy... I can't explain how or why but I just am and I like the feeling
-my family - even though we're small, just the three of us we're solid... I appreciate the love and support through everything
-my friends - oldest, old and new - you are always there for me even through the years, distance and newness, all offering such variety and strength through it all
-my job - mostly... I like my career path and the places I've been because of it (including 70km from the North Pole) and that I once got to hold a gold bar that weighed 25kg and was worth over $250,000 at the time (would now be approx. $800,000)
-Sunday mornings - sleeping in, a coffee on the porch, relaxing in the sunshine
-skype (and how it keeps me close to my friends)
-getting fun mail - physical hand written mail - like postcards from places my friends are and pictures from my little buddy Justyn
-red wine and beer and breakfast (though preferably not all together)

Dislikes:
-the word no
-Halloween
-New Years
-shoes
-the squeal from a boiling kettle
-people that stand in doorways, rush to get on a plane or try to get on an elevator when people are still getting of
-fish and seafood - though I suffered (understatement) through a plate of smoked salmon when I was taken out for a fancy dinner in Copenhagen
-being trapped by a volcano (an extra week in Copenhagen seems lovely but it really wasn't at all)

Day 41... sunshine and memories

I feel like a student again as I sit here in this coffee shop, laptop in front of me, reports and coffee by my side.  It's funny how situations can bring back the past.  Transport you back in time to moments so often lived before.  Though in those days I can hardly remember days in front of a computer over coffee - computers were confined to the 4th year rooms, to home.  Coffee shops were for reading, much highlighting and scribbles.  For procrastinating - catching up with friends.  But those moments in time were perfection - or they at least are now, in my mind - as I've forgotten the torturous assignments and exams, the work that got me to where I am now.  I just remember the people, the connections, the coffee.

I also remember the late nights - in fourth year - every day consumed with consumption - beer.  Girly drinks on Mondays - our favorite male bartender.  Savoring the moments as girls together when we could, outnumbered every other moment outside those we carved out specifically.  I remember the nights we didn't plan to drink - late night assignments, just a beer or two or several - no matter how hard our convictions the table would always be full of empties when it was over.  And yet, it was a class I rocked - water - thursday mornings, 8:30 am... never made it, too hungover from Bomber nights, assignments over beers with Niki, exams completed first, I don't understand it.  Funny how it all works sometimes.

I remember the card games - briscola - and laughter - the BNL Rock Spectacle the soundtrack to it all - always.  Purple walls, yellow CD - so clear.  And as I sit here and write I realize that I talk to none of them now - our connection dwindled to the fine threads of facebook - so remote - so long ago - so strange as they were such a big part of who I was - who I am now.

Then there are the best friends - the connections made on day one - green shirts and nicknames - same names... such silliness.  Laughter.  Road trips to Toronto - scavenger hunts in yellow hard hats.  Roses.  Guitars.  These moments are carved into my soul - details which I could never forget - never want to.  Two parts - one still in my world, one so far away.  I wish I still had them both.  They're both in my head, my heart.  Memories of years gone by.  Of class rooms and living rooms.  Movies and music.  Teaching and talking.  A cul-de-sac.  Parking ticket.  Stolen hugs, sneaking into my bed.  Late night phone calls.  A lifetime ago. 16 years.

And as I sit here - cold coffee beside me, words flowing from my fingers.  I reminisce of these days gone by, memories that still warm my heart after all this time.  Bring a smile to my face.  Days to be cherished.  Days to be savored.  It's nice to be transported back into that time - at least for this moment.

Day 40... 3 months!

Three months... exactly three months... that's how long I have lived in Australia.  It seems like I just got here in some ways and in others, well it seems like I've been here much longer.  Way longer.

I'm quite settled, I'm happy, I'm enjoying life and the world around me and am missing everyone back home a little less each day - until they fully enter my thoughts and then I miss them like crazy.  Completely.  I want them all to be here, not to go home but them just here.

I don't miss Vancouver like I thought I would - I think because I came to a place that is so similar... I'm surrounded by the ocean, what calms me - water.  And the sunshine, it's a daily occurrence even in winter which makes everything better.  Even when it rains most of the day you can still count on the sun in between the downpour.

So... here we go - another update after three months... about me, my life now, my world and what it looks like...

I love crossfit... well, it's a love/hate thing really but it's making me better

and I love the photos of the board after a crossfit day - just seeing my name up there and what I (and many others) accomplished that day

I am loving my new home town and have always felt like a resident never a visitor

There are now three places I call home - Perth, Vancouver and wherever my parents are (currently Winnipeg) - Vancouver will always be home

I am stronger now than when I left Vancouver.  I was happy when I left and now I am both happy and confident.  Growing.

I am scared of how long it will be before I see old friends, I miss them dearly

I hate the hours of 2pm-5pm during the week where I'm at work and most people I know back home are asleep

I (surprisingly) miss starbucks... the feeling will only escalate when I know it's pumpkin latte season... (it's pumpkin latte season)

There is a strange obsession here with scented toilet paper...

and there are no stores at all similar to Canadian Tire - I miss that store, the convenience of it all...

I have possums (or rats) living in my roof and it seems like a person is walking up there... small children screaming.

I find it odd that June, July and August are now WINTER... huh?

and that most of the world is currently talking about the end of summer - not down here...

I find it odd that I will have a summer birthday (in November)

I found my happiness before I left Vancouver but in Perth I still have happiness and have found confidence

I am inspired by so many people here, everyday.  The generosity and support and encouragement - both shocking and awesome

People are full of surprises and I like that - losing expectations and going with the flow.

Dating is horrible, I don't like it at all but I'm trying - putting myself out there just to see what might await... who knows, I could be pleasantly surprised, and if not at least I'll have some good stories.  Lots of stories...

and boys are more into calling - actual phone calls - at least the ones from here - texting is left to the boys from elsewhere, the transplants like me - it's a strange distinction and brings out my fear of the phone, when did this happen (I grew up without texts, mobile phones)

I will say yes, always  yes.  It adds to the adventure, the stories.  Everything yes.

Sometimes it's good just to act like a kid again and ages don't matter.  People matter.  Connections matter.  Age is just a number we can't change.

I'm becoming addicted to working out - seeing the progress - getting stronger.  In so many ways...  I am stronger for this adventure - the next chapter of my life. For taking the chance and reaping the rewards...

Day 39... the "boys"

Second date tonight with Chris which I'm a little excited about... I like him and think we'll have fun hanging out again.  He's cute and charming too! 

And to update - the other 'boys' in my iphone (photo evidence below)...

I hate dating - I completely do with every part of me - that first awkward getting to know you conversation - I'm the girl who is at her best once you know me - when I'm relaxed and goofy and just having fun but I need to put myself out there and so on dates it goes.

I'd love to say it's been fun but to be honest, I haven't had much of that yet - just a few and with Chris, the first date was fun and so, fingers crossed...

The others (the online boys):
Chris - The aforementioned date tonight - born in Aus but grew up in the UK.  Recently moved back.
James (#2) - there was a #1 but we won't go there... met up with this guy last weekend to wander the market in Freo - it was completely boring (and I love the market - you figure it out)
Rob (#2) - Meeting up with him for coffee this weekend - who knows.
Trevor - a fellow Canadian (Edmonton) - was supposed to meet up with him a few weeks back but I bailed... no future plans but who knows...
Josh - first person I went on a date with her and it was horrible... just.so.boring.  He has since called me to go out again and I told him I wasn't interested
Rob (#1) - met him for a drink and it was awkward - can't really describe it but halfway through my beer I was trying to figure out a way to bail.... ugh.
Shaun - messaged this dude for a while then numbers exchanged and haven't heard from him - can't really remember who he is but...  number saved just in case
Stuart - Scottish dude - haven't met up with him though we've tried on several occasions - if it's going to be that difficult I'd say it's just not going to happen.  heh.

And the ones not yet in the phone:
Lee - plan to meet up at some point
Dean - seems like a decent guy, hooked me on the first message when he said we had so much in common we should just get married... haha, good way to at least break the ice since most dudes are pretty lame - not using full words or sentences or merely writing - hey sexy! - I mean how does one even reply to that?  Lame.

So yes, my phone is filling up with random dudes numbers - and I'd delete them only I don't want to be surprised if out of the blue I hear from one of them again - 'who is this' isn't typically a great reply... haha.  The trouble is though I'm having a hard time trying to keep up lately... and, I'm getting bored.  I do like meeting people but randomly online, not finding much success though given that I have two good friends that met their husbands this way, part of me feels the need to keep trying.  Who knows.  Options open I guess.

*Edit - second date didn't happen....  so sad.  He was getting ready to meet up when he got called back into work - life isn't fair... haha.  But I know we'll figure out another time to meet up...  patience - I need some. 

Day 38...

Today was a good day... progress.  Sleep deprived progress.  Things are in motion and I like that.  Slowly moving forward.  Slowly.  Life is good and I'm just going for the ride - it's just what I need right now.  In this moment. 

Day 37...

On the heels of yesterday's inspiration I did something that I wouldn't otherwise do - I took a risk last night - sent a friendly message and it got me what I wanted...  I'm excited at what is to come... ready to ride out the adventure - feel the ripples from one bold gesture.

Day 36... inspiration

Today was super inspiring. I spent the day at the WA athletics stadium watching 60+ teams competing in the Primal Pairs crossfit competition – specifically from Cooee – Jack and Tim, Vicki and Jeni, Andy and Adam, Jack and Nicole…

It was a spectacular day and though I felt the pain as they all pushed through the crazy last WOD (200 presses, 150 jumpovers and 100 burpees between them – and two 400m runs each one forwards, one backwards) they still inspired me to sign up for the next competition.  I love training with these guys every day – they push me to be better and after seeing their sweat and (almost) tears and (almost) vomit it showed me how much farther I still have to go to be amongst them… they showed their guts today and I’m ready to be standing beside them in a few months at the next one.

Day 35... a difference between boys and girls

A difference between boys and girls... less judgement (self or otherwise)...

I noticed this the other night - not directly but more as a feeling.  We were in the midst of a crossfit WOD that had us doing few reps of high weights - split jerks to be specific - a workout I'd done before.  A workout previously done on a Friday morning sharing the bar and the weight with a few other girls.  On Wednesday, it was me, alone on a bar - weight set only by me - timing by me.   Surrounding me were two other boys doing the same and our coach Tim, another boy.  Me and three boys.  That was all.  There was no one else in the box and I found that calming.  More secure.  Less self conscious.  Self-judging.

I wasn't sure why but I'd hesitated that first day in doing the movement - perhaps it was my lack of confidence in the move with it being new to me - perhaps it was my fear of failure, of not getting a rep at the higher weight, fear of dropping the bar, unsuccessful - perhaps it was just the lack of spectators this time, just me, my focus, my preparation, only me - I can't nail it down specifically but I wasn't afraid to fail anymore.  I wasn't afraid to drop the bar.  I wasn't afraid to go beyond what I had ever done.  I wasn't afraid.

When reflecting on this afterwards a lot of it my previous hesitation had to do with me.  All me.  I get that - my inbred fears, insecurities.  But this time - there was a shift - I think it was all the testosterone surrounding me.  Feeding me.  Big guys lifting weights probably twice mine - but knowing they'd go beyond their limits, knowing they would make noises, grunting and funny faces, dropping the bar if necessary.  Knowing all this pushed me out of my comfort zone. Suddenly I was "one of the boys" and no one cared.  When I picked up the bar, steadied myself and then put it right back on the rack - no judgement, no big deal.  In fact Dom could relate - understood completely that I had to fix my mental focus first.  He got it.  Did it too. 

It was an interesting shift that evening, it was quiet and understated and allowed me to achieve a new PR.  It wasn't a pretty achievement, it was messy, ugly, unsteady - I almost dropped the bar BUT I did it. I did it - in an environment that made me feel safe, made me challenge myself. Made me better.  Stronger.  I did it!

Day 34...

Today there are no words.  It's a me day - a time to regroup, refresh, recompose, renew.  Renew.

It is spring.

Day 33...

It's funny how a week can change things - last week when plans changed/ got canceled, I got blue...  got into a funk that I couldn't shake - emotion over logic - but this week?  Complete 180.  Logic over emotion... never a balance, one over the other.  Why?

I think personally it's about letting go.  Realizing what I can and can't control.  Expectations only of myself.  I struggle with this - always have.  It's bred into me through so many ups, downs, trials, changes.  A struggle.  But yet yesterday when I decided on being selfish - about being only what I needed - about it being about me... life threw me a curve ball.  Yes, it truly is when you least expect things that they come your way - I know this.  I do.  But yet?  It's always a struggle.  A quest to find the balance.