august 30, 2012 - it sounded different today...

Ever hear a song and it just fits the moment perfectly?  It could be a song you've heard a million times before in a many different places but for some reason in one specific moment it goes beyond words and sounds and blends in with the world around you, the vastness, the emptiness, the lyrics taking on a deeper meaning at that point in time?  That happened to me today... my thoughts were wrapped up in you.  Wondering, worrying, wanting to throw my arms around you and not let go.  One big hug saying more than any words ever could.  The song was Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol but it wasn't the album version, it's the live version recorded at Union Chapel and it's haunting and full of yearning and in that moment this afternoon as I walked out into the sunshine and let the weight of today sink over me it came on… it stopped me where I stood and suddenly took on new meaning and wrapped itself in you.  I know you're okay, you told me you would be - it would be and I believe you with everything in me.  I know I'll see your face soon enough, that cheeky grin that lights up your eyes.  I will feel your strong arms wrap around me and we'll lie beside each other and talk about ridiculous things and we'll laugh and enjoy that moment, a little bit of normal - it's all I can offer you, all that you've ever wanted and maybe that's just enough.

august 14th - it's simple really...

I want to be your friend.  I try to be your friend.  When I find myself giving up on being your friend you shock me.  In person.  You're warm and welcoming and it makes me question everything.  Perhaps I shouldn't have told you that I think you are cute and sweet but you are, it's true.  Why hold that back?  It doesn't mean I want you, another boy a million miles away holds that spot for me - though that first hug did catch me by surprise.  I wonder if my seeing you regularly - in passing - is what keeps us from hanging out - no need to make time for someone you see so often... but there's so much more to share, stories to be told though I find myself giving up, tired of asking.  It shouldn't be this hard, it's simple really.  I want to be your friend.