I thought of you today when I heard the news...
Terror and fear paralyzed me when I saw the headline, afraid to read further...
Relief and then guilt flooded through me as I realised it (thankfully) wasn't you...
Sympathy and compassion came next as I thought of you over there, the loss of your comrade, your friend...
I tried to recall the stories you'd told me, if I'd ever heard his name... was he the one with the little girl you always talked about and does it even matter - he was someone's father, someone's wife... I'll never know and that's the scary part. The unknown, the unknowing. But I get it now, what you were trying to tell me, what you being here just couldn't quite convey. I get it and I'll continue to recognise it over and over until you're back once again, until I can wrap my arms around you and know that you're safe.
I want to tell you I'm sorry, for what you have to deal with but I can't and I know you wouldn't want to hear it anyway, at least not now. But know that you're in my thoughts, every day. I smile when I remember something silly. I shake my head when I recall the ridiculousness of how things were left. But mostly I reflect on how how much you matter to me, how I came to care for you so quickly and easily - a connection formed in the early summer days. I miss you and that's okay but it's the worrying that I have to learn to deal with. Your last words though, they echo through my mind. It will be okay. I trust that. It will be okay.
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